Traumas and struggles are a gift

Lately, I have been thinking about my past a lot. There are things that I wouldn’t have wanted to happen and things that I have been very embarrassed. There are things that I could have handled very differently and the results would have been better and easier. But I have learned to forgive myself. I have realized that you can’t change the past. It is how it is. So the only way to look at it is to forgive yourself and see the positive outcome of it. 

Right now I live the happiest time of my life. I’m happy to say that I’m 33 years old and gone through many hard lessons in life and now I feel that I’m stronger than ever before.

I believe the hard things are here for us to teach us. Some people need to go through more than others. Every trauma, tragedy or obstacle is different to everyone. No one reacts the same to similar occasions and everyone has the right to feel exactly the way they feel when they face something difficult in their life. You can’t understate anyone's sorrow or misery, because we are different so we react to things differently. Everyone needs their own time to recover and heal and no one else can make it faster or easier for others.

I could say that I have lived in a bubble for most of my life and lived a very protected life so I have had to learn the “hard” life in my adulthood. When I was younger I took everything so personally and every single challenge or difficulty in my life was a catastrophe. And every time I faced some challenges I didn’t know how to handle it so very often I just handled it very badly. I have cut many friendships and other people out of my life because of my lack of dealing with difficulties. I regret it now but at the same time, I see it in a positive light. 

I have learned from those times a lot and wouldn’t do the same mistakes anymore. And that’s the beauty of it. I remember often blaming myself for repeating the same mistakes again and again and never learning from them but now I understand that I wasn’t ready to learn yet. I had to do the same mistakes so many times that I was ready to take the lesson and move on and be a better version of myself. The people who have had a harder time growing up usually learn to be tougher in life. But I had to learn in my adulthood that everything is not just cotton candy and unicorns all the time. 

For me dealing with the challenges in my life has been a very big turning point. Actually, I have started to like the challenges and struggles. Not necessarily in that time when I face them but after surviving from those. The first thing I do is to accept it and to forgive myself if I have done something wrong. The next thing I do is to think about what did I learn from it. What can I do to fix it or make it better? Then I realize that the challenge or struggle made me stronger and wiser and I thank for it. That’s how I’ve handled all of my traumas and tragedies. I have dealt with my past like that now in my adulthood and realized that all the struggles in my life have been good for me. Even though there are things I never wanted to happen but they did happen so that just made me stronger. 

Sometimes the challenges are set by you,
e.g. running 400 m up hill.
(Ski jumps in the city of Lahti in Finland)

I want to encourage you that don’t be too harsh to yourself. If you’re dealing with some trauma or any kind of struggle, you can survive from it, it’s up to you. The first step is just to accept it and forgive yourself or the person who caused the struggle to you. The next step is to think about what did you learn from it and move on. You might need a professional to talk to and usually, it is helpful if you can let it out to someone who doesn’t know you. But what I have noticed in my life that it’s not just enough to go to talk to professionals about your problems, it’s mostly you who need to solve the problems and let go. The other person is there for you to ask the right questions from you to make you think about things you didn’t even think so you can move on. Every time when I have had a difficult time in my life I have gone to talk to some professional and boy there are many (I’m a daughter of a therapist :D).. every time I’ve thought that they can help me and when I just talk to them my problems will disappear. Well, as you can guess, it hasn’t gone exactly like that. It took more than that. It has taken me to acknowledge the problem but mostly it’s me who does the work. 

Like dreams, if you want them to be true, you have to believe them. The same thing is with the struggles, if you want to get over them you have to believe that you’ll get through them. And you will, trust me. One day you will thank yourself and the struggles you went through because it made you a better version of yourself. 

When you find what you are looking for, it's rewarding.

What does it take to believe in your dreams?

Dreams have always been obvious to me. When I was a kid I remember dreaming about everything and somehow I felt that everything that I dream will come true if I want. My imagination was very lively when I was a kid and often I lived in my imaginary world. But even then all my dreams didn’t come true very easily and often I was very disappointed if my dreams didn’t come true. I didn’t know then that I had to work very hard to reach my dreams and some dreams were easier to get than the other ones. Slowly I realized what I need to do in order to reach my goals. I learned to work very hard for the dreams I really wanted to become true. Also, a very big lesson was that it’s mostly up to me if I wanted something to happen to me. And the dreams I have worked so hard and failed many times usually paid it back and it feels amazing when those kinds of dreams work out. 

I’ve been fortunate to get many of my dreams to come true and it has encouraged me to dream more and work harder for my dreams. I have realized that I can get anything in my life if I want to if I’m ready to put effort into it. 

As a birth gift, I got persistency and I have had a privilege to follow my mom’s example of how she follows her dreams and how she’s working so hard for everything she wants and finally gets it. She has been my biggest role model for reaching my own goals in life. When we were kids she made impossible things possible. She taught me also how you can find positive things about everything. I always remember her telling me that “no matter what happens remember to find positive things about everything”. That sentence has helped me to go through some hard parts of my life and it helps me to understand that everything is possible if you just believe so. 

In my life, I have noticed that you can survive from everything. It’s up to you. At work, I have had difficult situations that feel impossible and at that moment I’m lost and don’t know what should I do but that is just a brief moment, a reaction then I start to act. And that is important because with an attitude you can change your’s and other people’s behavior and the whole situation for better or worse, it’s your decision. When we had a baby and a toddler most of the time life was very challenging. I learned so many new sides about my self (not the good things..) and I was sure that I won’t survive. I didn’t sleep much and the days were mostly surviving. Many times I said to my husband that I want to give up (whatever that meant). I wanted to run out of the house and never come back. But I did survive and usually, when I reached the point that I couldn’t take any more I remembered my mom’s words and thought that there’s something good about this moment too and things got better. I’m glad those times are behind now but I learned so much about those struggles and now I’m happy to say that I’m glad we went through that time so I could be here and live my dream. 

Our neighbourhood.
Another dream came true to live here.

I have noticed that dreams and struggles go hand in hand. You have to start to love them both. If you dream something remember there will be some struggles at some point but those are important in order to get your dreams to come true. Don’t be afraid of the struggles. We have a saying in Finnish that after the storm there will be sunny. That how it is many times with struggles too. Many people give up their dreams for the first struggle and I do too sometimes. Then I realize that maybe that wasn’t something I really wanted anyway and move on to some other dream. But I want to encourage you to dream and dream big. Don’t give up for the first or even for the second or third challenge you face. Push it through. If you really want something, you will get it if you decide so.

A place I dream to go.

My long term dream has been to write a blog. I have started many times but never had the courage to publish any of my posts. I have had all kinds of stupid excuses not to start it and publish anything. But here I am again and thinking is it worth it? Will anyone read these? Am I making sense and what do I have to give to people? Now I’ve reached the point that I know that I don’t have anything to lose and I know that in this world everyone has a story to tell and everyone has so much to give to each other so I’m in. 

I love writing and I can’t keep these thoughts in my head anymore I want to share them with you. So this blog is about encouragement for you to do things you really want to do and to see the world in a positive light. I’m opening this blog with a Finnish persistence and with (learned) American confidence. Stay tuned! 

My biggest dream has been to have this family 💗