Fear no more, face it!

Do you fear something? Do you know the feeling when you’re almost paralyzed because of a fear? Today I want to talk about fears.

I am a person who wants to challenge herself. I want to reach starts from the sky and I dream big. I dream the biggest things there is and very often I’m in that situation that I have achieved my big dreams or goals. Soon after that, I realize that I cannot do it. I back up. I find myself panicking and stressing about the situation I’m into. It becomes overwhelming. I have two sides that are not connecting. I have this brave and “I can do it” -attitude and the other side of me is this very shy and stressed person who just wants to sit still and wait that someone is going to pick up and take safely home.

So not a long time ago I was in this situation again. I had to face my fears and firm up. I asked for a promotion for my job and I got it. I’m a flight attendant and I have been doing it for over five years now and I’ve enjoyed it a lot. This year I reached the point that I want to have more challenges for my career and the only opportunity was to become chief of the cabin (or a purser). We need one year's experience before we can apply to become a chief and earlier in my career I haven’t had that opportunity since I’ve been twice on maternity leave. So I was mentally ready for that. Being a mom is somehow being a chief at home, right moms? 😉 So I have practiced being a boss for my kids (and for my husband sometimes), organizing the daily routines, dinners, clothes, timetables, you name it. Being a boss is not something that is natural for me, I have had to practice it at home. And I’m so glad that I have the best teachers for that, my daughters.

When I decided to apply a chief I started practicing it mentally. I had ideas about what kind of chief I want to be and went through the chiefs I have had earlier and what things I want to take from the good ones and also the bad examples too which kind I definitely don’t want to be. When I said it out loud to my colleagues at work that I will become a chief they were thrilled and said that I will be a really good chief and I believed them. I felt so good.

I had good training and I was so ready to start my new position and I got really good feedback from my trainer too. I felt excited. But when the day came that I needed to be on my own I got cold feet. I felt that I can’t do it. I started panicking, and I was so nervous that I didn’t sleep at all the night before my shift. It was terrible. Somehow I went through that working day and my colleague said to me that she felt that I was a natural chief and if I didn’t tell her that it was my first shift as chief, she wouldn’t know because I did so good. I was relieved and felt good. But the next night I couldn’t sleep either I was so nervous. I wasn’t any more prepared for the day’s shift and it was even more challenging and longer shift. So I was mentally really exhausted. I felt that couldn’t do it. I felt terrible and stupid. I was really disappointed at myself and thought why on earth I had to put myself again in this kind of situation? I was so comfortable in my last position when I knew what to do. But I was very bored already to be “just” cabin attendant. And I wanted more, I wanted more challenges and to push my boundaries.

So I realized that I needed to recover from all the stress I have. I needed to go through my anxiety and why I made it so difficult for myself that I couldn’t face my fears. I already know what to do at my work, it’s not something completely new, it’s just more responsibility and confidence. I needed that training. I needed that new position to change my attitude and to get out of my comfort zone. But boy it was hard.

I realized that no one is excellent in the beginning. You learn to be excellent. The journey is the most important, the journey makes you become really good at what you do. If you want to be good at something, you can’t miss the journey. No matter how difficult the journey is, you just need to go through it.

It’s good to challenge yourself from time to time. It makes your life more exciting. Even though the challenges or changes are not always nice or they feel uncomfortable, but later you realize how important it is sometimes to make changes in your life so you can feel better and maybe you find some new skills about yourself that you didn’t know exist. There’s so much to learn in this world. Don’t miss the opportunity to face your fears and go through the challenges you need to, you never know how good things there are waiting for you. Your life begins when you come out of your comfort zone.

So what did I do to get relaxed and being able to go work again? I realized that I can’t escape. I just needed to calm down and understand that I will make mistakes, I’m not excellent yet, but I accept it. I asked myself what would be the best thing that can happen and all of a sudden the fear disappeared. It took me some time to adjust to my new role but after every shift, I tapped myself to my shoulder and was so proud of myself how I survived.

One day I want to be an excellent chief and I want everyone who steps to the airplane to feel that they are safe with me and them to feel that I know what to do if something odd happens during the flight. I want everyone to feel special when I serve them on the airplane so they can have a great experience from our company. Because I really care about my job and I know that attitude changes everything. It’s only you who make the changes in your life. So don’t be afraid, face your fears!

Ready, set, breath!

In this busy world, it is sometimes easy to forget about yourself and your needs. You just do the things you need to do and very often you notice that life is getting boring because every day seems to be exactly the same. When you’re single it’s easier to stop and listen to yourself but when you have a family to take care of, everything becomes a lot challenging. 

I used to be an athlete and was quite good about running. My whole life was about me and my physical and mental health. My coach was always there for me and he even took me to different cities to go to the best doctors’ if I had an injury and he would find the best physiotherapist there is in Finland and took me there to fix my ankle. I had a massage regularly so it helped my muscles to recover faster. I was the most important for myself. My coach wanted me to be the best 400 m runner there is so he did everything for me. He even spent more time coaching me and planning my training schedule for me than he was with his wife. Because he wanted me to be the best. Even my parents didn’t take that good care of me (and trust me they are great parents!). So I got used to that kind of lifestyle where I didn’t need to do anything else than just exercise, eat and sleep well. My coach even said to me once "try to avoid stairs if you can take the elevator and try to avoid any extra physical activity if possible so you can get all the rest you need and you’ll be a world champion someday”. Today I just laugh to that comment and thinking that I should have questioned him at some things. But other than that he was a really good coach.

So now you’re thinking that my life was a dream. It was sort of. I took care of myself, all the time. I was very spoiled by my coach and somehow by my parents too. I didn’t know the “real” world. But I felt very empty inside. I didn’t have a life outside the sports world. My high lights were competitions where I could see people and be a teenager. I didn’t understand the inner side of me. I also wanted to be less selfish and take care of someone else too.

When I became a mom, the hardest thing for me was to give myself to someone else. I had to share myself. I never had problems with my body, but now someone inside me was shaping my body to very weird shape and I didn’t feel myself anymore. After giving birth I felt like I was injured in a war or something. It really felt that my body had literally exploded and sewed back together. It took me a year to understand my body again and make it strong again. For the first time in my life, I felt that my body was weak. I was in very bad shape and didn’t know how to start exercising again because everything hurt for six long months. The next pregnancy didn’t go any easier or the time after giving birth. But now I was stronger and wiser and knew what to expect. 

When I'm balanced spending
time with the kids is precious 

As time has gone by I’ve learned to take time for myself again. It’s natural for me to be in good physical shape and I feel good when I feel that my body is strong. But now I’ve understood that having time for myself it’s not just physical I need, it’s also time for my brains to relax. I need to be alone from time to time. And that is something that my husband never seems to understand because he’s so social (read: American) and recharges his batteries in social situations. But he respects when I need my time alone because he knows how much better mood I will be after that. 

Having kids has really changed the way I see my life now. It’s not obvious anymore for me to clear my head and do something I like. I have to take the time for myself. When I do it, I’m a better wife and mom. I have the energy to play with the kids, I have the patience to listen to all the cries there is and I have empathy for my husband when he needs someone to talk to. 

I usually spend my “me time” writing, running, doing yoga (usually at home) and reading. After giving birth I have noticed that my body needs some more gentle exercise and I tried yoga. It really has given me so much more energy, strength, and flexibility. It’s also a really good way for me to learn more about my body and calm myself down after a busy workday. And the best thing is that you don’t need to know anything about yoga because you’ll learn and develop fast. I started almost 4 years ago with Boho Beautiful https://www.youtube.com/user/cexercize and still doing it. It’s amazing and the places are beautiful.

Recently I talked with my sister who has three children. She said that after 12 years she has realized that she needs to focus on herself and take care of herself. I’m so happy for her to understand that. She has had a very different life than I have had when we were teenagers. She needed to learn through her kids how important it is to take care of herself.

I really appreciate all the moms who devote their lives to their families and kids but it is important for your own growth and your own wellbeing to understand your own needs. Because kids are here with us only for so little time. I think that it is important for our kids to see that parents can have their own hobbies and interests too so they understand that not everything is about them.

I was fortunate to grow to love my body and my life at an early age so I didn’t need to learn it in a hard way after having kids. But it’s never too late to learn that. It is very important to learn to love yourself. When you learn to love yourself, it’s easier for you to love others too. When you accept yourself, you will accept everyone around you the way they are. 

For me then the most important lesson has been that if I’m not mentally balanced nothing else works either. So recently I have focused my mental health and started to listen to my emotions and my feelings more carefully and that way understands other people better too. When you feel good, everyone else around you benefits that too. Try what feels good for you and where you get energy. It can be anything. But the most important is that you get to charge your batteries. Take the time to take care of yourself!

My future Olympian 💗

Why do colors matter?

Have you thought about what color you wear most often? Do you notice the colors around you? What do colors make you feel?

I believe colors are very important to your health and wellbeing. Let’s think about it. Colors have physiological effects too. There are reasons why all the fast-food chains have bright colors; they make you feel hungry and catch the signs when you are hungry so you can find the place easier. The blue color makes other people think that you’re trusted and loyal. Next time in some election pay attention to the colors of the candidates what they are wearing, blue is quite a dominant color there. If you wear red, it makes people think that you’re efficient, powerful, and a strong personality. Grey color gives the image that you don’t want to be noticed and if you wear yellow people think that you’re a happy and social person, etc.

Animals in Finland change their color for winter and for summer to blend in nature. Sometimes I think we Finns want to blend in nature too, at least in the wintertime. We want that no one notices us during the darkest time so we very often wear dark clothes. The darker the weather becomes, the darker the clothing will be. Have you noticed that?

I love the colors. The more the better. Colors make me feel alive. When I was single I decorated my home with many colors and that made me feel energized. My friends often laughed at me when I wore so bright colors at school but the colors made me feel happy. Now I have calmed down little bit. Our home doesn't have that much colors because my husband wants little bit more calm, and it's okay. And I still want to avoid wearing black and if I need to wear dark I wear dark blue or brown.

Kids love colors. My three-year-old daughter wanted to paint Christmas the other day and the colors she used were pink and yellow. I thought that was cute. She also wants to pick her clothes for daycare and there are so many different styles and colors she wants to combine and sometimes it’s hard for me to let her do that but then again I think it’s important that she feels happy in those clothes she wears. I was told that I was the same when I was a kid so the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Lately, I’ve paid more attention to the colors around me. Maybe because I’ve awoken to the world and see everything in a positive perspective. I see colors everywhere and it’s fun.

November and December are the darkest times of the year in Finland and Finns often disappear to their own homes and stay there if they don’t need to go outside. Every year I try to think that this year I will be more social and happier than earlier at this time but somehow the darkness takes the lead... My husband has become a Finn in that sense too (and sometimes he’s even more Finn than I am..!) and his social life stops during the darkest season. So I try to fight against that and always keep the lights at home everywhere because I want to feel good. Christmas comes to a perfect time in that sense so we can decorate our home with Christmas colors and they make us happier.

When it rains, I wear the
brightest clothes to make me happy

I’ve noticed that very often the offices are white. White is a sterile color and doesn’t bring any emotions. I’ve learned that white is the most ineffective color and kills creativity. I was happy to notice at my husband’s workplace that they have used colors on the walls. I felt very inspired right away when I entered the building. I think many people don’t think about that. But when you see something different it’s nicer, right? My favorite place at our home is our kids’ room because there are so many colors (and that’s the only place I can use colors in our house 😄). I often go to fold our laundry there.

At home, we have white walls and it bothers me. But I try to decorate the way that the white doesn’t dominate. I put plants and pictures on the walls which makes me happy.

So colors do matter, try it if you don’t believe me. If you normally wear dark clothes try something different and see what happens. If I wear yellow, it makes me smile. See what it makes you feel like!

Traumas and struggles are a gift

Lately, I have been thinking about my past a lot. There are things that I wouldn’t have wanted to happen and things that I have been very embarrassed. There are things that I could have handled very differently and the results would have been better and easier. But I have learned to forgive myself. I have realized that you can’t change the past. It is how it is. So the only way to look at it is to forgive yourself and see the positive outcome of it. 

Right now I live the happiest time of my life. I’m happy to say that I’m 33 years old and gone through many hard lessons in life and now I feel that I’m stronger than ever before.

I believe the hard things are here for us to teach us. Some people need to go through more than others. Every trauma, tragedy or obstacle is different to everyone. No one reacts the same to similar occasions and everyone has the right to feel exactly the way they feel when they face something difficult in their life. You can’t understate anyone's sorrow or misery, because we are different so we react to things differently. Everyone needs their own time to recover and heal and no one else can make it faster or easier for others.

I could say that I have lived in a bubble for most of my life and lived a very protected life so I have had to learn the “hard” life in my adulthood. When I was younger I took everything so personally and every single challenge or difficulty in my life was a catastrophe. And every time I faced some challenges I didn’t know how to handle it so very often I just handled it very badly. I have cut many friendships and other people out of my life because of my lack of dealing with difficulties. I regret it now but at the same time, I see it in a positive light. 

I have learned from those times a lot and wouldn’t do the same mistakes anymore. And that’s the beauty of it. I remember often blaming myself for repeating the same mistakes again and again and never learning from them but now I understand that I wasn’t ready to learn yet. I had to do the same mistakes so many times that I was ready to take the lesson and move on and be a better version of myself. The people who have had a harder time growing up usually learn to be tougher in life. But I had to learn in my adulthood that everything is not just cotton candy and unicorns all the time. 

For me dealing with the challenges in my life has been a very big turning point. Actually, I have started to like the challenges and struggles. Not necessarily in that time when I face them but after surviving from those. The first thing I do is to accept it and to forgive myself if I have done something wrong. The next thing I do is to think about what did I learn from it. What can I do to fix it or make it better? Then I realize that the challenge or struggle made me stronger and wiser and I thank for it. That’s how I’ve handled all of my traumas and tragedies. I have dealt with my past like that now in my adulthood and realized that all the struggles in my life have been good for me. Even though there are things I never wanted to happen but they did happen so that just made me stronger. 

Sometimes the challenges are set by you,
e.g. running 400 m up hill.
(Ski jumps in the city of Lahti in Finland)

I want to encourage you that don’t be too harsh to yourself. If you’re dealing with some trauma or any kind of struggle, you can survive from it, it’s up to you. The first step is just to accept it and forgive yourself or the person who caused the struggle to you. The next step is to think about what did you learn from it and move on. You might need a professional to talk to and usually, it is helpful if you can let it out to someone who doesn’t know you. But what I have noticed in my life that it’s not just enough to go to talk to professionals about your problems, it’s mostly you who need to solve the problems and let go. The other person is there for you to ask the right questions from you to make you think about things you didn’t even think so you can move on. Every time when I have had a difficult time in my life I have gone to talk to some professional and boy there are many (I’m a daughter of a therapist :D).. every time I’ve thought that they can help me and when I just talk to them my problems will disappear. Well, as you can guess, it hasn’t gone exactly like that. It took more than that. It has taken me to acknowledge the problem but mostly it’s me who does the work. 

Like dreams, if you want them to be true, you have to believe them. The same thing is with the struggles, if you want to get over them you have to believe that you’ll get through them. And you will, trust me. One day you will thank yourself and the struggles you went through because it made you a better version of yourself. 

When you find what you are looking for, it's rewarding.

What does it take to believe in your dreams?

Dreams have always been obvious to me. When I was a kid I remember dreaming about everything and somehow I felt that everything that I dream will come true if I want. My imagination was very lively when I was a kid and often I lived in my imaginary world. But even then all my dreams didn’t come true very easily and often I was very disappointed if my dreams didn’t come true. I didn’t know then that I had to work very hard to reach my dreams and some dreams were easier to get than the other ones. Slowly I realized what I need to do in order to reach my goals. I learned to work very hard for the dreams I really wanted to become true. Also, a very big lesson was that it’s mostly up to me if I wanted something to happen to me. And the dreams I have worked so hard and failed many times usually paid it back and it feels amazing when those kinds of dreams work out. 

I’ve been fortunate to get many of my dreams to come true and it has encouraged me to dream more and work harder for my dreams. I have realized that I can get anything in my life if I want to if I’m ready to put effort into it. 

As a birth gift, I got persistency and I have had a privilege to follow my mom’s example of how she follows her dreams and how she’s working so hard for everything she wants and finally gets it. She has been my biggest role model for reaching my own goals in life. When we were kids she made impossible things possible. She taught me also how you can find positive things about everything. I always remember her telling me that “no matter what happens remember to find positive things about everything”. That sentence has helped me to go through some hard parts of my life and it helps me to understand that everything is possible if you just believe so. 

In my life, I have noticed that you can survive from everything. It’s up to you. At work, I have had difficult situations that feel impossible and at that moment I’m lost and don’t know what should I do but that is just a brief moment, a reaction then I start to act. And that is important because with an attitude you can change your’s and other people’s behavior and the whole situation for better or worse, it’s your decision. When we had a baby and a toddler most of the time life was very challenging. I learned so many new sides about my self (not the good things..) and I was sure that I won’t survive. I didn’t sleep much and the days were mostly surviving. Many times I said to my husband that I want to give up (whatever that meant). I wanted to run out of the house and never come back. But I did survive and usually, when I reached the point that I couldn’t take any more I remembered my mom’s words and thought that there’s something good about this moment too and things got better. I’m glad those times are behind now but I learned so much about those struggles and now I’m happy to say that I’m glad we went through that time so I could be here and live my dream. 

Our neighbourhood.
Another dream came true to live here.

I have noticed that dreams and struggles go hand in hand. You have to start to love them both. If you dream something remember there will be some struggles at some point but those are important in order to get your dreams to come true. Don’t be afraid of the struggles. We have a saying in Finnish that after the storm there will be sunny. That how it is many times with struggles too. Many people give up their dreams for the first struggle and I do too sometimes. Then I realize that maybe that wasn’t something I really wanted anyway and move on to some other dream. But I want to encourage you to dream and dream big. Don’t give up for the first or even for the second or third challenge you face. Push it through. If you really want something, you will get it if you decide so.

A place I dream to go.

My long term dream has been to write a blog. I have started many times but never had the courage to publish any of my posts. I have had all kinds of stupid excuses not to start it and publish anything. But here I am again and thinking is it worth it? Will anyone read these? Am I making sense and what do I have to give to people? Now I’ve reached the point that I know that I don’t have anything to lose and I know that in this world everyone has a story to tell and everyone has so much to give to each other so I’m in. 

I love writing and I can’t keep these thoughts in my head anymore I want to share them with you. So this blog is about encouragement for you to do things you really want to do and to see the world in a positive light. I’m opening this blog with a Finnish persistence and with (learned) American confidence. Stay tuned! 

My biggest dream has been to have this family 💗