Finding the inner peace

Recently I've been practicing to be present. I have taken an example from my kids. I've been really trying to see what do they need and what do I need. It hasn’t been that easy but it has surprised me how it’s not too difficult either. 

The past six months I’ve been like a Duracell. I’ve been trying to be super-efficient about everything. I’ve tried to find ways how can I educate myself the most and trying a little bit everything. At the same time, I’ve been trying to find my inner peace and happiness. As you can guess, I haven’t done a very good job at all. Last week I realized that I’m overwhelmed. And my kids have reacted that too. Of course, they are a reflection of me. They have been acting the way that I have to notice them. They scream to me “mommy I’m here, notice me!!” And still, I didn’t see them. I’ve felt that I’ve failed. I try too hard to be a good mom when only the simple thing matter: being present. 

          

I have an addiction to self-help books. I love learning new things and reading is my passion. I also like to follow in social media those people who accomplish a lot in their life and I like to take an example from them. So I’ve been trying a little bit of everything and realized that nothing has worked for me because I’m exhausted from all the information I’m reading and getting. Plus I need to work too. And yeah, I have small kids as well 😄!

So every second day I’m happy and full of excitement and the other days I’m depressed and down. My husband noticed that and stopped me. He advised me to start exercising breathing and mindfulness. He told me to stop reading books that give me advice. He told me to focus on our kids and the things I really love doing, like cooking, exercising, and writing. So I returned all the self-help books to the library and that wasn’t easy. I think that I’m getting less smart when I don’t read “good literature”. But at the same time reading a bunch of self-help books doesn’t mean that I’m not smart. And reading all the time different stuff was getting my head spin anyway so I couldn’t get anything out of the books in the long term. 

When I realized how overwhelmed I was, I felt so good not to have an agenda or pressure to do something. I also realized that I don’t need to develop myself while I have small kids who need me. There’s time for that too when I can educate myself and go further in my career. 

Now I’ve been trying to live in a moment and that’s has felt really good. Before the most annoying time for me was the kids' bedtime. It was so stressful when it took at least 30 minutes to get them to stay on their beds, and I couldn’t wait to have my alone time (reading books or meal prepping 🙄). Now I enjoy putting our kids to bed. I have taken a completely different mindset for that and it calms me down. I cuddle with them and hold them tight and chat with my older one. It feels so good to be present and I enjoy feeling them close to me. I realized that it’s only so the short time that they need me and I should really focus on them. It’s a short moment for me but makes a big difference for their future and the kids’ and my relationship. 

Yesterday I was putting the restless kids to bed and both of them wanted me to hold them at the same time. I gave my hand to the youngest one and said to my older one to come to lay down next to me on the floor. They calmed down so fast. Then I looked my older one to her eyes and said that I love her and she said the same back to me. Then she told me how she really liked the dinner I made and asked if I could make it again. Then we chatted for a little bit longer and she said she wanted to go to bed. When she was in her bed, she said to me “Mommy I’m so happy now!” And “ I like you a lot. I like pink and purple too”. That was the cutest moment and I felt so content. Those kinds of moments are so short but they last for so long. 

After that, I realized how I need to be present more and focus on my small children as much as possible. It’s my time later. 

The Amazing Superpower

When I didn’t have kids yet, I remember thinking that moms are superheroes. That they have some superpowers that other people don’t have. I always admired and was fascinated by the fact of how moms always find solutions for everything. They make tools for something if they don’t have them, they fix things, they find new ways to do things. Moms are so creative. I remember thinking that one day I want to be like that too when I am a mom.

But I didn’t know that all that doesn’t happen easily or when you have the baby then you are like that. Like other things in this life, having “the mom superpower” you have to learn to get it. And that lesson is very challenging and long but I already feel that I have that superpower in me after three years being a mom. 

My jorney to this “superhero” path has been exciting and interesting. Before having kids I thought that nothing will change in my life. I will travel as much as I want, work out as much as I want, eat whatever, have the same friends and our home is safe as it is for the baby and later for the toddler. Well, it turned out again that I was wrong. And I don’t like that feeling when I’m wrong 😄! 

When our first daughter was born, my life changed permanently, immediately. There was no going back to that “wild and free” -life. From tuhat moment on I had a new role in my life, I was a mom and no one could not take it from me. The baby wanted everything, she wanted everything from me. She took away my innocent lifestyle and I had to think again who I am. I had to build my identity again. 

The first months in my new role were scary and the only thing I could think was “how can I be me again?” I love the baby and I wanted it but I feel I’m lost! I didn’t feel good in my skin and not only my body had changed but everything in me had changed too. The transformation had begun. To be a superhero. 

When I had a challenging time with my firstborn I always thought how bad mom I am when I don’t even know what my baby wants. I can’t make her happy and she makes me angry. All those emotions that I didn’t know exciting came out and I cried. Boy, I cried a lot along with the baby. But eventually, the baby stopped crying and I realized I did something right. I felt so good when I realized that I had learned some tricks on how to make my baby happy. 

When my firstborn turned to be a toddler (how did that happen?!), I realized that I need to start raising her too. It was scary because I just learned to take care of the baby and now she was a little human being who needed guidance and boundaries. I was lost again. I read all the books about toddlers and asked for advice from professionals and I learned what I needed to. And my superpowers were growing.

I remember the first time I realized that I’m a superhero too. My toddler was acting out and I changed my attitude and she calmed down. I noticed that I did something right! When we tried sleep training her (and it took forever) and we succeeded with that, I felt that I had some more powers. 

I always thought that when you become a mom, the baby gives you the superpowers and you change. But now I know that our kids give us the superpowers we need little by little. 

I can tell you a secret. There are times when I’m feeling that life would be so much easier and more fun without kids. I could travel wherever I want and have any kind of jobs I want but then I realize that I would have a big empty hole in my heart. I know I would always miss out on something if I didn’t have kids. 

After over three years of being a mom, I can say that I love the change in me. The growth in me. I love to be a mom and having superpowers. I have so many other things in my life than my selfish thoughts. I love that I can do things with my kids and I love to teach them when I see that they are learning. I love to see them grow and I wouldn’t change anything. All the struggles I’ve been through with them have been worth everything. My kids gave me the superpowers and I love being a superhero! And moms are always right about everything, right? 😄

How do dreams come true?

When you start dreaming, the first thing you think that it’s possible and you see that your dream has already become true. You see the vision in your mind and the excitement fills your whole body and the feeling is amazing. You feel that everything is possible. For a moment you live the way that the dream has become true in your thoughts. But after that exciting moment, you realize that it’s just a dream and very often you think that it will never happen but you would be so happy if it happened. You can already see how your life would change if that dream became true. And you want the change is bad. That is what happens to me, whenever I dream about something.

If you have read my other blog posts, by now you already know that I’m a dreamer. I love dreaming. My husband loves dreaming too. One of our favorite things is to start dreaming when our kids are on the bed or when we drive a car. We start dreaming about our future how we want our lives to be, where do we want to work, what we can do with our kids when they’re a little bit older and most importantly where do we want to live. I think mostly we talk about the places we want to live and what languages we want to learn 😄. Those moments are very precious and I feel that we connect when we dream together. 

So how can you make your dreams come true that they’re not just dreams? I think that the first thing you have to do is to start to appreciate your life at the moment. Find good and positive things about your life and start to be grateful for everything you have. Every time I fail with that step. First what I start doing is to plan and act towards my goal. Those are really important steps too and to reach your goal, you have to do something about it to make it happen before it can happen. But I think it’s important to understand that you have to know how good things are at the moment before you can have something more into your life.

Lately, I’ve faced the same thing again. I have a dream I want to become true. The more time passes by the more I want it to happen and the more anxious I get when I realize that it hasn’t happened yet. I start to think that there’s something wrong with me or I don’t deserve the dream. But at the same time, I realize that those thoughts are not right. I do deserve happiness and I do get everything I want if I just believe it.

When I look back in my life and the dreams which I have had and which have become true, the same pattern is repeated. First I’m excited and really believe that I will get what I dream but when the time goes by and nothing happens, I almost give up and get depressed. I start thinking that I don’t deserve it and that’s not meant for me. I have a few examples.

Ever since I was a teenager I was hoping and dreaming to have a boyfriend who I could share my life with. I always thought that I would have only one boyfriend who would eventually be my husband. Well, that didn’t happen. I had more than one boyfriend but none of them lasted long and I still felt every time that I will never have a husband. I got depressed many times and was really sad about that. I was jealous of my friends who got married and had kids but I still had nothing to compare them. I was really embarrassed to be single. I thought there’s something wrong with me. I fell for the wrong guys and felt even more embarrassed when the relationships didn’t last. I really wanted to settle down but I didn’t know what to do.

Then one day I started to think that there could be something good about being single. I changed my attitude and started to see positive things about my life. I felt that my eyes opened and I could see colors around me. Soon after that, I met my husband. I realized that I needed to give a chance for my dream to become true and see how good things are in my life and start appreciating them. The same pattern repeated when I wanted to have a baby. I thought it would happen fast and easy but it took for me for six months when I got pregnant. I thought that was a really long time and it felt forever. I got depressed and sad when I didn’t get pregnant earlier but when I let go of the negativity and started to think positively about my life, I got pregnant soon after that.

So here is what I do. I start or end my day with writing things I’m grateful for. Then during the day I say out loud things what I’m grateful for. When I go pick up my kids from the daycare, on the way there I say good things about my kids and that I’m so grateful for having them in my life. Or when I go to work the whole trip there I repeat a mantra: “I have an amazing job, I give an amazing service which I get an amazing payment.” And then I start saying how grateful I am of my job. Or before my husband comes home, I start thinking good things about him and how grateful I am for him. Or when I go for a run I start thinking how lucky I am that I am healthy and able to use my muscles and run. And the list goes on. You can start thinking about your own life and really think when you do something how lucky you are that you can do something and how grateful you are about things or people in your life.

So I want to encourage you. If you have a dream, don’t give up. There will be times you will get depressed and you will be tested that are you ready for your dream. Do me a favor and push through all those tests and think about how good things are already in your life and focus on those. The dream you have to work for and you have to wait a little bit longer, it’s worth all of it. You’ll understand later that the journey is the most important and dreams become true when you’re ready for them. Trust me. Be grateful!