Recently I've been practicing to be present. I have taken an example from my kids. I've been really trying to see what do they need and what do I need. It hasn’t been that easy but it has surprised me how it’s not too difficult either.
The past six months I’ve been like a Duracell. I’ve been trying to be super-efficient about everything. I’ve tried to find ways how can I educate myself the most and trying a little bit everything. At the same time, I’ve been trying to find my inner peace and happiness. As you can guess, I haven’t done a very good job at all. Last week I realized that I’m overwhelmed. And my kids have reacted that too. Of course, they are a reflection of me. They have been acting the way that I have to notice them. They scream to me “mommy I’m here, notice me!!” And still, I didn’t see them. I’ve felt that I’ve failed. I try too hard to be a good mom when only the simple thing matter: being present.
I have an addiction to self-help books. I love learning new things and reading is my passion. I also like to follow in social media those people who accomplish a lot in their life and I like to take an example from them. So I’ve been trying a little bit of everything and realized that nothing has worked for me because I’m exhausted from all the information I’m reading and getting. Plus I need to work too. And yeah, I have small kids as well 😄!
So every second day I’m happy and full of excitement and the other days I’m depressed and down. My husband noticed that and stopped me. He advised me to start exercising breathing and mindfulness. He told me to stop reading books that give me advice. He told me to focus on our kids and the things I really love doing, like cooking, exercising, and writing. So I returned all the self-help books to the library and that wasn’t easy. I think that I’m getting less smart when I don’t read “good literature”. But at the same time reading a bunch of self-help books doesn’t mean that I’m not smart. And reading all the time different stuff was getting my head spin anyway so I couldn’t get anything out of the books in the long term.
When I realized how overwhelmed I was, I felt so good not to have an agenda or pressure to do something. I also realized that I don’t need to develop myself while I have small kids who need me. There’s time for that too when I can educate myself and go further in my career.
Now I’ve been trying to live in a moment and that’s has felt really good. Before the most annoying time for me was the kids' bedtime. It was so stressful when it took at least 30 minutes to get them to stay on their beds, and I couldn’t wait to have my alone time (reading books or meal prepping 🙄). Now I enjoy putting our kids to bed. I have taken a completely different mindset for that and it calms me down. I cuddle with them and hold them tight and chat with my older one. It feels so good to be present and I enjoy feeling them close to me. I realized that it’s only so the short time that they need me and I should really focus on them. It’s a short moment for me but makes a big difference for their future and the kids’ and my relationship.
Yesterday I was putting the restless kids to bed and both of them wanted me to hold them at the same time. I gave my hand to the youngest one and said to my older one to come to lay down next to me on the floor. They calmed down so fast. Then I looked my older one to her eyes and said that I love her and she said the same back to me. Then she told me how she really liked the dinner I made and asked if I could make it again. Then we chatted for a little bit longer and she said she wanted to go to bed. When she was in her bed, she said to me “Mommy I’m so happy now!” And “ I like you a lot. I like pink and purple too”. That was the cutest moment and I felt so content. Those kinds of moments are so short but they last for so long.
After that, I realized how I need to be present more and focus on my small children as much as possible. It’s my time later.
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