Precious time that you won’t regret

Three baristas making coffee
for mommy 💕

Today I was proud of myself. I was patient with my kids and didn’t get mad at them when they were acting out. I had a day for myself and today I gave myself permission not to do anything. I was really tired of working for four days in a row. That sounds crazy when I say that out loud but my work is really heavy and I barely can sleep when I have layovers so that makes my work extra heavy. 

I have felt embarrassed for taking my kids to daycare every day (except weekends) from 8 am to 4 pm even I’m not working. Every time I feel like explaining to people why I take my kids to daycare even I’m at home and after that, I realize that I don’t need to explain. It’s my own business. My husband encourages me to take the kids to daycare so I can relax and take time for myself and do house chores (which never ends..!). 

One time I decided to keep the kids at home on Monday and the end of the day I was exhausted. By the time my husband got home from work I was so tense and stressed out so I just wanted to read my book and be alone. My husband was sad because I didn’t have energy or interest anymore to listen to him and be with him after the busy day with the kids. Then he told me to take the kids to daycare every day because they enjoy being there and they have so many activities there and I could be a better mom when I’m relaxed. And also I would have time and energy for my husband too. 

When I’m working, I’m usually gone for a couple of days and my working hours are quite crazy, very early in the morning or very late in the evening, so most of the time when I’m working, I won’t see my kids for at least couple of days. So then I miss my kids already so much that I enjoy being with them even though they are acting out. Then I have patience. Like today. 

My 3-year-old has now a challenging phase that sometimes I have no idea what to do with her. And very often I just lose my temper and start yelling at her and threatening her. I know, sounds terrible and then I feel I’m the worst mom ever, but I think it’s good for our kids to see our real feelings, do you agree? 

So today when my older daughter had a difficult time and she started hitting me and jumping on me and I got annoyed about it and she didn’t stop even though I asked her many times. Then I thought that I have two options: I could either stop her doing that by holding her tight and she would scream and cry like a wild animal and eventually calm down when she’s tired of fighting back OR I could make her laugh and then eventually she would calm down and we all would have a nice and calm feeling. So I chose the second option. I started tickling her and first, she was surprised at my reaction because I usually start yelling at her when she acts out. So I kept tickling her and she was giggling so much. In the end, she stopped hitting me and took her blanket and came to my lap. Then I started singing and both of the girls were looking at me so amazed and I felt like I was a pop star they adore. I was so proud of myself how I handled that situation. The rest of the evening went very nicely and they both went to bed the easiest ever. 

We had a girls’ day when we
were pretending to
be princesses.

There are times the kids need strong boundaries but there are also times that they just need attention and love. It’s very difficult sometimes to understand what our kids need and also when you’re tired than you usually don’t have any patience. Balancing life is very important in parenting. I feel like I’m a better parent when I work and have my own free time so I can rest and do things I love doing. 

Before I had kids I remember thinking bad about moms who wanted to go back to work as soon as they could after the child was born. When I heard that the parents wanted to have their own time, I couldn’t understand. I always thought that why do you want to have kids if you don’t want to spend time with them? But now I understand. Now I have sympathy for all the parents who want to go to work and prioritize their alone time. I have realized that being present doesn’t mean the same as actual quality time with the kids. When I’m tired and frustrated, it’s hard for me to be present and usually, then I don’t have patience and energy with the kids. I feel that I’m a better parent when I can spend a little bit less time with my kids so I can give them what do they need: attention and love. 

I used to feel guilty when I realized that how much time I actually spend with my kids but then my husband convinced me that they can get so much out of daycare what I can’t give them. They have activities and they learn there so much more than I could ever teach them and also I read a study that the kids who started daycare when they were under 3 years old usually become smarter. So now I don’t need to feel guilty anymore.

If you are in the same position as I am, be kind to yourself and listen to what do you and your kids need. The balance in life is the most important so everyone is doing good in your family.