Sleep and the kids

If you have kids, do you ever look back your single years or the time before having kids and regret that you didn’t take better care of yourself? Do you see the difference between the same age-old people than you are who doesn’t have kids and the ones who have kids? I do, all the time. The ones who don’t have kids look younger and healthier and the ones having kids look tired. That’s my observation. You don’t know the changes before everything changes. The most radical thing that changes when you have kids is sleep. That’s something you can’t affect much. The baby in the house is the boss who decides when you sleep and how much you sleep. Everything else comes after that. And you can’t prepare for that.

When I was an athlete I remember being very strict with my bedtime. I got mad if someone didn’t let me sleep enough or if someone interrupted my sleep. I had to get at least eight and a half hours of sleep every night. If I was training harder than usual I needed even more sleep. I was very upset if someone distracted my sleep. This was my routine for many years and it was hard to change my habits after I quit competing. 

My sleeping habits changed quite radically when I started my job as a flight attendant. It was hard to keep the bedtime same because sometimes I got to sleep only for three hours a night and continued working. Or sometimes I had night shifts that I couldn’t sleep during the night at all. But I was okay with it because I enjoyed my job and I could recover from the night shifts on my own time before I needed to work again.

When I still didn’t have kids the biggest thing I heard parents complaining was the sleep. The parents around me were exhausted because they didn’t get enough sleep. I remember thinking that someday I want to be a mom too but I want my kids to sleep well. How little I knew back then. Even the idea of not getting enough sleep made me angry and frustrated. I didn’t know that you can get used to being tired and soon you don’t even know how did it feel when you are recovered. 

When I was pregnant people advised me to sleep now when I can. That’s the dumbest advice I’ve heard. Like you could put your sleep in the storage and take extra energy whenever you need it (I wish!). Well, turned out that even if that would have been possible to store your sleep during pregnancy, I couldn’t do it. I guess the body prepares itself for what’s coming because my sleep started to be bad already two months before the baby was born. I couldn’t sleep very well and kept waking up during the night, especially in my third trimester when my belly was so big. 

Before my baby was born I had no idea how tired a human can be. And it was the most crucial thing when I was tired my baby didn’t let me sleep. Somehow I survived the lack of sleep for her first year. It took me six months to learn to sleep through the night again while my baby learned to do that when she was six months old. 

The second baby gave me an even harder time. She didn’t let me sleep for nine months and after that, I couldn’t sleep for the next nine months. Then she started to wake up again during nights. 

Learning to sleep again has been the most difficult thing for me. I went to get help from many professionals but I didn’t get any help. I just was too stressed and my body needed to reset. I tried everything but nothing worked. The worst thing was when I could see and hear from everywhere how sleep is so important and how it affects your health in the future. It felt like a punishment for me because I had lost my ability to sleep again. My sleep was so shallow that I could wake up for all the smallest sounds and couldn’t fall asleep for a long time after that. My body was constantly alert. 

I don’t know how other parents feel about sleep, but for me, the importance of sleep has changed. My biggest dream is to sleep well and get enough sleep every night. When the basic things in life are not in balance you start dreaming about them. I value sleep high. If I don’t sleep enough I feel angry and I get annoyed very easily. I become the person I don’t want to be. Even if I eat healthily and take all the supplements, they don’t work if my body can’t recover. 

Finally after two years of stress, my body gave up and I got a really high fever. I couldn’t do anything else than just rest. I was laying on the couch for three days and my husband took care of everything. Boy, that felt good not to do anything! But it took me a week to recover from that illness and I started to sleep well again after many years. I feel like I used to feel before having kids (almost..). But my biggest dream has come true now when I can sleep through the nights again! 

So the body eventually gives up when you don’t know how to do it. I never understand how kids can wake up during nights and they still have so much energy during the days. When we adults do the same, we are not doing good, we’re out of the game. 

I’ve learned to appreciate my sleep more and more. I try not to drink coffee after noon anymore and making sure not to do any exercises after 7 pm to interrupt my sleep and I go to bed at 10 pm latest if it’s possible. 

If you’re struggling with your sleep, give your body a break and listen to what it needs. Do some light exercises like walking, hiking, yoga or what ever feels good. Stop reading things that stresses you out. Go to the nature and start noticing things around you. 

Many doctors don’t know how to help with sleep problems and that’s so frustrating. I try avoid any medications because I have only bad experiences of them. I think they are just quick fixes and don’t actually heal the problem. So my advice for that is to  stop stressing about your sleeplessness and try to focus on good things in your life. Your body will put itself to recover if you’re not able to. But don’t force it, like I did because it doesn’t work. When everything else in your life is in balance, your body will remember how to recover again. That is what happened to me. Sleep well and be good to yourself ❤️.

Finding the inner peace

Recently I've been practicing to be present. I have taken an example from my kids. I've been really trying to see what do they need and what do I need. It hasn’t been that easy but it has surprised me how it’s not too difficult either. 

The past six months I’ve been like a Duracell. I’ve been trying to be super-efficient about everything. I’ve tried to find ways how can I educate myself the most and trying a little bit everything. At the same time, I’ve been trying to find my inner peace and happiness. As you can guess, I haven’t done a very good job at all. Last week I realized that I’m overwhelmed. And my kids have reacted that too. Of course, they are a reflection of me. They have been acting the way that I have to notice them. They scream to me “mommy I’m here, notice me!!” And still, I didn’t see them. I’ve felt that I’ve failed. I try too hard to be a good mom when only the simple thing matter: being present. 

          

I have an addiction to self-help books. I love learning new things and reading is my passion. I also like to follow in social media those people who accomplish a lot in their life and I like to take an example from them. So I’ve been trying a little bit of everything and realized that nothing has worked for me because I’m exhausted from all the information I’m reading and getting. Plus I need to work too. And yeah, I have small kids as well 😄!

So every second day I’m happy and full of excitement and the other days I’m depressed and down. My husband noticed that and stopped me. He advised me to start exercising breathing and mindfulness. He told me to stop reading books that give me advice. He told me to focus on our kids and the things I really love doing, like cooking, exercising, and writing. So I returned all the self-help books to the library and that wasn’t easy. I think that I’m getting less smart when I don’t read “good literature”. But at the same time reading a bunch of self-help books doesn’t mean that I’m not smart. And reading all the time different stuff was getting my head spin anyway so I couldn’t get anything out of the books in the long term. 

When I realized how overwhelmed I was, I felt so good not to have an agenda or pressure to do something. I also realized that I don’t need to develop myself while I have small kids who need me. There’s time for that too when I can educate myself and go further in my career. 

Now I’ve been trying to live in a moment and that’s has felt really good. Before the most annoying time for me was the kids' bedtime. It was so stressful when it took at least 30 minutes to get them to stay on their beds, and I couldn’t wait to have my alone time (reading books or meal prepping 🙄). Now I enjoy putting our kids to bed. I have taken a completely different mindset for that and it calms me down. I cuddle with them and hold them tight and chat with my older one. It feels so good to be present and I enjoy feeling them close to me. I realized that it’s only so the short time that they need me and I should really focus on them. It’s a short moment for me but makes a big difference for their future and the kids’ and my relationship. 

Yesterday I was putting the restless kids to bed and both of them wanted me to hold them at the same time. I gave my hand to the youngest one and said to my older one to come to lay down next to me on the floor. They calmed down so fast. Then I looked my older one to her eyes and said that I love her and she said the same back to me. Then she told me how she really liked the dinner I made and asked if I could make it again. Then we chatted for a little bit longer and she said she wanted to go to bed. When she was in her bed, she said to me “Mommy I’m so happy now!” And “ I like you a lot. I like pink and purple too”. That was the cutest moment and I felt so content. Those kinds of moments are so short but they last for so long. 

After that, I realized how I need to be present more and focus on my small children as much as possible. It’s my time later. 

The Amazing Superpower

When I didn’t have kids yet, I remember thinking that moms are superheroes. That they have some superpowers that other people don’t have. I always admired and was fascinated by the fact of how moms always find solutions for everything. They make tools for something if they don’t have them, they fix things, they find new ways to do things. Moms are so creative. I remember thinking that one day I want to be like that too when I am a mom.

But I didn’t know that all that doesn’t happen easily or when you have the baby then you are like that. Like other things in this life, having “the mom superpower” you have to learn to get it. And that lesson is very challenging and long but I already feel that I have that superpower in me after three years being a mom. 

My jorney to this “superhero” path has been exciting and interesting. Before having kids I thought that nothing will change in my life. I will travel as much as I want, work out as much as I want, eat whatever, have the same friends and our home is safe as it is for the baby and later for the toddler. Well, it turned out again that I was wrong. And I don’t like that feeling when I’m wrong 😄! 

When our first daughter was born, my life changed permanently, immediately. There was no going back to that “wild and free” -life. From tuhat moment on I had a new role in my life, I was a mom and no one could not take it from me. The baby wanted everything, she wanted everything from me. She took away my innocent lifestyle and I had to think again who I am. I had to build my identity again. 

The first months in my new role were scary and the only thing I could think was “how can I be me again?” I love the baby and I wanted it but I feel I’m lost! I didn’t feel good in my skin and not only my body had changed but everything in me had changed too. The transformation had begun. To be a superhero. 

When I had a challenging time with my firstborn I always thought how bad mom I am when I don’t even know what my baby wants. I can’t make her happy and she makes me angry. All those emotions that I didn’t know exciting came out and I cried. Boy, I cried a lot along with the baby. But eventually, the baby stopped crying and I realized I did something right. I felt so good when I realized that I had learned some tricks on how to make my baby happy. 

When my firstborn turned to be a toddler (how did that happen?!), I realized that I need to start raising her too. It was scary because I just learned to take care of the baby and now she was a little human being who needed guidance and boundaries. I was lost again. I read all the books about toddlers and asked for advice from professionals and I learned what I needed to. And my superpowers were growing.

I remember the first time I realized that I’m a superhero too. My toddler was acting out and I changed my attitude and she calmed down. I noticed that I did something right! When we tried sleep training her (and it took forever) and we succeeded with that, I felt that I had some more powers. 

I always thought that when you become a mom, the baby gives you the superpowers and you change. But now I know that our kids give us the superpowers we need little by little. 

I can tell you a secret. There are times when I’m feeling that life would be so much easier and more fun without kids. I could travel wherever I want and have any kind of jobs I want but then I realize that I would have a big empty hole in my heart. I know I would always miss out on something if I didn’t have kids. 

After over three years of being a mom, I can say that I love the change in me. The growth in me. I love to be a mom and having superpowers. I have so many other things in my life than my selfish thoughts. I love that I can do things with my kids and I love to teach them when I see that they are learning. I love to see them grow and I wouldn’t change anything. All the struggles I’ve been through with them have been worth everything. My kids gave me the superpowers and I love being a superhero! And moms are always right about everything, right? 😄

How do dreams come true?

When you start dreaming, the first thing you think that it’s possible and you see that your dream has already become true. You see the vision in your mind and the excitement fills your whole body and the feeling is amazing. You feel that everything is possible. For a moment you live the way that the dream has become true in your thoughts. But after that exciting moment, you realize that it’s just a dream and very often you think that it will never happen but you would be so happy if it happened. You can already see how your life would change if that dream became true. And you want the change is bad. That is what happens to me, whenever I dream about something.

If you have read my other blog posts, by now you already know that I’m a dreamer. I love dreaming. My husband loves dreaming too. One of our favorite things is to start dreaming when our kids are on the bed or when we drive a car. We start dreaming about our future how we want our lives to be, where do we want to work, what we can do with our kids when they’re a little bit older and most importantly where do we want to live. I think mostly we talk about the places we want to live and what languages we want to learn 😄. Those moments are very precious and I feel that we connect when we dream together. 

So how can you make your dreams come true that they’re not just dreams? I think that the first thing you have to do is to start to appreciate your life at the moment. Find good and positive things about your life and start to be grateful for everything you have. Every time I fail with that step. First what I start doing is to plan and act towards my goal. Those are really important steps too and to reach your goal, you have to do something about it to make it happen before it can happen. But I think it’s important to understand that you have to know how good things are at the moment before you can have something more into your life.

Lately, I’ve faced the same thing again. I have a dream I want to become true. The more time passes by the more I want it to happen and the more anxious I get when I realize that it hasn’t happened yet. I start to think that there’s something wrong with me or I don’t deserve the dream. But at the same time, I realize that those thoughts are not right. I do deserve happiness and I do get everything I want if I just believe it.

When I look back in my life and the dreams which I have had and which have become true, the same pattern is repeated. First I’m excited and really believe that I will get what I dream but when the time goes by and nothing happens, I almost give up and get depressed. I start thinking that I don’t deserve it and that’s not meant for me. I have a few examples.

Ever since I was a teenager I was hoping and dreaming to have a boyfriend who I could share my life with. I always thought that I would have only one boyfriend who would eventually be my husband. Well, that didn’t happen. I had more than one boyfriend but none of them lasted long and I still felt every time that I will never have a husband. I got depressed many times and was really sad about that. I was jealous of my friends who got married and had kids but I still had nothing to compare them. I was really embarrassed to be single. I thought there’s something wrong with me. I fell for the wrong guys and felt even more embarrassed when the relationships didn’t last. I really wanted to settle down but I didn’t know what to do.

Then one day I started to think that there could be something good about being single. I changed my attitude and started to see positive things about my life. I felt that my eyes opened and I could see colors around me. Soon after that, I met my husband. I realized that I needed to give a chance for my dream to become true and see how good things are in my life and start appreciating them. The same pattern repeated when I wanted to have a baby. I thought it would happen fast and easy but it took for me for six months when I got pregnant. I thought that was a really long time and it felt forever. I got depressed and sad when I didn’t get pregnant earlier but when I let go of the negativity and started to think positively about my life, I got pregnant soon after that.

So here is what I do. I start or end my day with writing things I’m grateful for. Then during the day I say out loud things what I’m grateful for. When I go pick up my kids from the daycare, on the way there I say good things about my kids and that I’m so grateful for having them in my life. Or when I go to work the whole trip there I repeat a mantra: “I have an amazing job, I give an amazing service which I get an amazing payment.” And then I start saying how grateful I am of my job. Or before my husband comes home, I start thinking good things about him and how grateful I am for him. Or when I go for a run I start thinking how lucky I am that I am healthy and able to use my muscles and run. And the list goes on. You can start thinking about your own life and really think when you do something how lucky you are that you can do something and how grateful you are about things or people in your life.

So I want to encourage you. If you have a dream, don’t give up. There will be times you will get depressed and you will be tested that are you ready for your dream. Do me a favor and push through all those tests and think about how good things are already in your life and focus on those. The dream you have to work for and you have to wait a little bit longer, it’s worth all of it. You’ll understand later that the journey is the most important and dreams become true when you’re ready for them. Trust me. Be grateful!

Eye opening thoughts

Kids know how to enjoy the
simple things, they have fun
even with a cardboard box!

We say in Finland that Finns are very good at complaining. We complain about the weather, the neighbors, our jobs, our financial situation, the government decisions, and the list goes on.

Married to a foreigner I’ve got so much more perspective of all that. When I first met with my husband, he was so happy and full of joy. When he entered to a room he made everyone smile with his big white American smile. That was one of the first things why I fell in love with him. I’ve always liked smiling but after getting to know him, I started to smile even more, because it’s contagious. 

When we started dating my husband was very confused about why I was complaining

so much about everything. I didn’t even think about it earlier. I think that’s just something that is built inside for us Finns that we just complain because everything could always be better.

My husband couldn’t understand why I complain so much when the government is pampering us so much. Many of us don’t realize that we live here like in a bubble. The government gives us money when we study, when we’re on maternity leave (which is 9 months!) when we are unemployed, or on a sick leave, or not able to work because of some sickness. And when I gave birth to my second child we got to stay in a hotel after the delivery with the baby and nurses around us and it costed us only little over 200 € the whole thing, giving birth, food and the hotel! My husband was amazed, since giving birth in the USA is really expensive. We also get free “baby package” full of clothes and other things for the baby or money worth of the box (which is actually less than the box has clothes). That’s just to name few benefits we get as Finns. 

We get money for so many things from our government but we still complain because it’s not enough. Seriously, how many countries have as good system as we have here in Finland? We get 5 weeks' vacation yearly and our schools all the way to the university are free of charge. Yes, there are lots of things that could be better but having a little appreciation wouldn’t be bad. 

So we have came to a conclusion with my husband that the more there are things that we don’t need to work for, the more we complain and the worse things are the happier people are in general and you get to appreciate the small things. He was also very surprised at how we are so independent in Finland that no one really asks help from their neighbors or even friends or family and in the USA, everyone helps each other. I said that it’s embarrassing for us Finns to ask help because we get almost everything from the government and if we are not doing ok after that, it’s our own business to survive. And the funniest thing is that Finns love to help each other and even offers help but people here mostly are too prideful to ask help when they need it.

So it has been a very long and good school for me to learn out if this habit. I started not to complain at work and I feel better doing my work. I also stopped judging people’s behavior and that made me feel so light and a big burden from my chest disappeared. I feel so much better when instead of saying or thinking about something bad I say or think something good. 

Again the kids are great teachers to learn positivity. They get excited about so small things and they never complain if they don’t see others examples of complaining. I have tried to avoid complaining when they’re around me. Instead of complaining I try to see the good things about everything and it really works for my 3-year old. She gets excited so easily if I just encourage her to get excited. When we go to the daycare, there’s a big tree on the way which has Christmas lights and it’s really pretty. Now every morning when we go to the daycare, my 3-year old notices the tree and says how beautiful it is even she sees it everyday. That makes me happy. 

Now my husband has been living in Finland for over 5 years and he has adapted the Finnish habits too well. Sometimes I need to remind him of his American background and stop acting like a Finn 😄. Then he gives me his big American smile and he’s back ☺️. 

Learning from other cultures is very powerful and refreshing. I’m always excited to meet people from different countries and learn the positive aspects of them. I have realized how much good there is and how well things are in my life. After living in some other country you often realize how good country we’re living in but you don’t necessarily need that kind of wake-up call, you just need to look around and realize how small things can make a difference when you start thinking positively about everything instead of complaining. Try and you’ll see the difference in you and people around you. 

My kids have taught
 me to be creative 😄

Precious time that you won’t regret

Three baristas making coffee
for mommy 💕

Today I was proud of myself. I was patient with my kids and didn’t get mad at them when they were acting out. I had a day for myself and today I gave myself permission not to do anything. I was really tired of working for four days in a row. That sounds crazy when I say that out loud but my work is really heavy and I barely can sleep when I have layovers so that makes my work extra heavy. 

I have felt embarrassed for taking my kids to daycare every day (except weekends) from 8 am to 4 pm even I’m not working. Every time I feel like explaining to people why I take my kids to daycare even I’m at home and after that, I realize that I don’t need to explain. It’s my own business. My husband encourages me to take the kids to daycare so I can relax and take time for myself and do house chores (which never ends..!). 

One time I decided to keep the kids at home on Monday and the end of the day I was exhausted. By the time my husband got home from work I was so tense and stressed out so I just wanted to read my book and be alone. My husband was sad because I didn’t have energy or interest anymore to listen to him and be with him after the busy day with the kids. Then he told me to take the kids to daycare every day because they enjoy being there and they have so many activities there and I could be a better mom when I’m relaxed. And also I would have time and energy for my husband too. 

When I’m working, I’m usually gone for a couple of days and my working hours are quite crazy, very early in the morning or very late in the evening, so most of the time when I’m working, I won’t see my kids for at least couple of days. So then I miss my kids already so much that I enjoy being with them even though they are acting out. Then I have patience. Like today. 

My 3-year-old has now a challenging phase that sometimes I have no idea what to do with her. And very often I just lose my temper and start yelling at her and threatening her. I know, sounds terrible and then I feel I’m the worst mom ever, but I think it’s good for our kids to see our real feelings, do you agree? 

So today when my older daughter had a difficult time and she started hitting me and jumping on me and I got annoyed about it and she didn’t stop even though I asked her many times. Then I thought that I have two options: I could either stop her doing that by holding her tight and she would scream and cry like a wild animal and eventually calm down when she’s tired of fighting back OR I could make her laugh and then eventually she would calm down and we all would have a nice and calm feeling. So I chose the second option. I started tickling her and first, she was surprised at my reaction because I usually start yelling at her when she acts out. So I kept tickling her and she was giggling so much. In the end, she stopped hitting me and took her blanket and came to my lap. Then I started singing and both of the girls were looking at me so amazed and I felt like I was a pop star they adore. I was so proud of myself how I handled that situation. The rest of the evening went very nicely and they both went to bed the easiest ever. 

We had a girls’ day when we
were pretending to
be princesses.

There are times the kids need strong boundaries but there are also times that they just need attention and love. It’s very difficult sometimes to understand what our kids need and also when you’re tired than you usually don’t have any patience. Balancing life is very important in parenting. I feel like I’m a better parent when I work and have my own free time so I can rest and do things I love doing. 

Before I had kids I remember thinking bad about moms who wanted to go back to work as soon as they could after the child was born. When I heard that the parents wanted to have their own time, I couldn’t understand. I always thought that why do you want to have kids if you don’t want to spend time with them? But now I understand. Now I have sympathy for all the parents who want to go to work and prioritize their alone time. I have realized that being present doesn’t mean the same as actual quality time with the kids. When I’m tired and frustrated, it’s hard for me to be present and usually, then I don’t have patience and energy with the kids. I feel that I’m a better parent when I can spend a little bit less time with my kids so I can give them what do they need: attention and love. 

I used to feel guilty when I realized that how much time I actually spend with my kids but then my husband convinced me that they can get so much out of daycare what I can’t give them. They have activities and they learn there so much more than I could ever teach them and also I read a study that the kids who started daycare when they were under 3 years old usually become smarter. So now I don’t need to feel guilty anymore.

If you are in the same position as I am, be kind to yourself and listen to what do you and your kids need. The balance in life is the most important so everyone is doing good in your family. 

The magic of giving

The nature gives you if you care
about it.

When you give, you shall receive. Have you heard of this? But what does it mean? Let me tell you how does it work.

When I was a child, I learned to play “My heart will go on” from Titanic movie (or actually from Celine Dion). I remember that I was so proud of my new skill and wanted to play the song with my cousins. One of my cousins wanted to learn to play that song too but I didn’t want to teach him that. I thought that then I wouldn’t be special anymore with my new skill. He got mad at me and his mom (my aunt) told me that it wasn’t very nice of me not to teach him that song and it would make him very happy if he knew how to play it. I wasn’t very convinced but I taught him anyway.

I have had a similar kind of situations in my life many times after that. I have known something cool and wanted people to see how special skills I have and admire me because of that. I have had a hard time passing my knowledge to other people. I have realized that words of affirmation are something that is my love language.
Learn more about love languages from Gary Chapman “The five love languages” (also in Finnish). That book really opened my eyes and got to understand myself better.

Very often the best teachers are the ones who know the most and knows how to teach others. I admire people who share their knowledge and I think that they are even more special when they pass the information. I admire my co-workers who are instructors and they know so much about airplanes and aviation itself. It’s so valuable to get the information from them and when I work with some of our instructors I take all the advantage of their knowledge because I want to know more.

I always wanted to be the person who knows so much about something and has that “wise hat” on. If you know what I mean. Earlier I thought that if I share my knowledge with someone then I loose something and the other person takes it from me and gets all the credits. Now I have realized that sharing your knowledge is a gift for yourself and for the person you share it with. I have practiced it a lot.

I have realized that with my knowledge I can calm people down in the airplane (there are a lot of people who are afraid of flying), I can teach my kids how to behave and have good manners, I can make people around me feel healthy and enjoy their company even more and the list goes on. With all the knowledge I have, I can do so many things to other people and they appreciate me because I shared something with them. It really is a gift.

Like I mentioned my love language is words of affirmation and I love when people give me compliments. Everyone likes it but some people have a harder time to accept compliments. When I compare for example Finns and Americans, there’s a huge difference in how people compliment each other and how they accept the compliments.

I have learned so much from my husband how to compliment people and I think that has opened so many doors for me. I remember when I first met my husband he gave me compliments all the time and that felt so nice. I wasn’t used to that because usually Finns are more shy to give compliments to each other. He still compliments me every day many times and I have learned to do the same. It really feels good to give compliments. I have taught my daughters it too and already see good results. My three-year-old goes to the mirror and says to herself how cute she is and how she loves herself, it really is rewarding. She’s also giving me compliments when I have cooked something and she loves hearing that I appreciated her compliment. And my 1,5 year old also goes to the mirror and kisses her reflection and says “ihana” (lovely).

One time I decided to challenge myself. I started to compliment people at work. My customers and my colleagues. I wanted to see what happens. The reactions have been very different. Some people haven’t even realized that I have complimented them so I had to say many times different nice things to them but every time I felt that they really didn’t care. Some people instead have made me feel funny because when I have said how well they have handled some situation, their response has been “of course, that’s my job” or ”I just used common sense”. It had made me feel that the compliment was wasted. Some people instead have really felt appreciated when I have said something nice and that is the best feeling for me too.

The most adorable thing when
your child copies you and wants to be
like you ❤

So I did that some time and felt kind of empty because no one said anything nice to me. Okay, I know I live in Finland where people are shy to say nice things to each other but still, I felt that it would be nice to hear that I’ve done good work.

When one day there was a person who was afraid of flying and I went to talk to her right after I noticed that her eyes were big and she looked scared. I talked to her for a while and convinced that she’s safe and there’s nothing to be afraid of. I talked to her a few times during the one hour flight and I could see that she was relieved and got more relaxed. She kept saying thank you to me and it felt good. After she left she had told my colleague to tell me a big thank you. Then I felt really good, I knew that after giving so much I received something, I got a compliment.

Then I realized that it is about everything when you give money to charity or people who really need it, it will come back to you even bigger. And when you help someone with something, there are people to help you next time you need help. And when you give a ride to someone, you’ll get a ride later too, without asking. That’s how the world works.

Challenge yourself, first with your family members and then with your co-workers and friends and later with strangers. Start by saying something that you like what they’re wearing, or how much you appreciate something they said to you. Words and acts do matter, just try and you’ll be amazed! When you give, you shall receive.

Free cake in some random cafe in Seattle.
Sometimes you receive unexpected things.

The beauty of having children

I believe that children are here to teach us. At least that’s what I’ve experienced. I have always dreamed to be a mom but never thought they would teach me so much about myself. I was 29 years old when I had my first daughter. I thought I was old and was sad that I didn’t have kids earlier. But now I understand that I wasn’t ready earlier to face my fears and deal with my emotions. 

My first daughter was a very challenging and needy baby. I had lots of experience of being with babies and taking care of them. Everyone was sure that being a mom would be very natural for me including me. Turned out that it wasn’t. My first daughter taught me everything, she taught me to be a mom. I was blown away how hard it was to take care of a baby. Because for the first time I was responsible for the baby all days and nights. I was responsible for her whole life. I was so nervous all the time that I would harm the baby somehow and I was reading all kinds of parenting books like crazy so I became kinda crazy. I was worried about everything and I couldn’t relax at all. My days with the baby were lonely and stressful. I couldn’t even relax when someone else took care of the baby, even when it was my husband. Luckily I had my husband with me. But somehow he didn’t take his new role as a dad as serious as I did my role (read: he didn’t lose his mind as I did).

For the first time of my life, I was so tired that I thought I was losing my mind. All I could think of was that I want to sleep. I was even thinking to leave the baby on the street and a note with her saying: “Take if you want”. I couldn’t tell my thoughts to anyone. Luckily I was sane enough not to do anything bad to her but boy she made me feel every kind of emotion that I didn’t even know exist. She taught me to deal with anger, sorrow, desperation, joy, kindness, endless love and fear. For the first time of my life, I was willing to do anything for someone and she taught me to get rid of my selfishness. She was the best thing I had ever accomplished.  

So I learned along with my baby. She thought me to be more relaxed and calm and to enjoy life. When she was six months old I thought she was the best thing I ever had. She taught me to be social and I started to go with her to different moms and baby groups and when the time at home with her was gone I was ready to go back to work. I learned to enjoy my work again and I forgot how difficult it had been when she was just a baby. Then I became pregnant again and everything changed. 

My second daughter was very different. She was easy, calm and she slept better than my firstborn, at least during the day. I was so happy to realize that. But my firstborn challenged me again. She had the worst terrible twos ever and I thought I wouldn’t survive. I was so happy to have a baby again and I thought I would do everything differently this time and made her sleep through the night when she’s three months old. Well, that didn’t happen. If I earlier thought I experienced how tired a human can be, this was even worse. I was literally hoping that I could just disappear and give up the whole parenting thing. I even said to my husband many times that “I give up, this mom thing is not my cup of tea”. But how can you give up being a mom? 

I was like a monster at home. I was cooking and cleaning like a maniac. I was making sure that I was the best mom and the best wife there is. I wanted my husband to brag about me that he has the best wife who makes the best food ever but still that wasn’t enough to me. I was complaining about how messy our home is and wanted everything to be out of the way. I had a terrible need to clean and to show everyone that I can handle that. I’m the super mom. But I was falling apart. I couldn’t handle my emotions and I was afraid all the time that my husband would leave me because I was so unbearable. He never even said anything like that. He was just quiet. He never complained about how much I was yelling he just told me that I was amazing. Which I didn’t believe. 

I had to make the healthiest food there is and was making sure that no one in our family got sick. If my husband complained that he feels a little sick, I made him some healthy drink and forced him to drink it. I was so proud that my two years old had never been sick. I was thinking that my family’s health is in my responsibility. I thought that if someone got even a cold I had failed. 

The older the kids have grown the wiser and more relaxed I have become. I am so happy how much they have got out of me. I’m so happy to be a mom. I feel that I have got so much more confidence because of the kids and I feel that I’m capable of anything. The older the kids grow the bigger their problems are but I learn along with them. It’s fun and scary but they are the kindest teachers. They don’t think anything bad about you. They still love you even you had done or said stupid things. They are the most forgiving people there is. They forget the fight after 30 minutes when you’re still biting your teeth together. Then they smile and say: “ I love you mom”.

I have learned from them more than any job has taught me. I learned to be me. Every struggle with my kids has taught me to be more patient, more confident and more relaxed. I love the way they have opened new doors for me in my life. I have got wonderful friends through my kids and I got better eating habits because of them. After I became a mom, I’ve changed a lot and I like it. 

There are times that I have been thinking that I won’t survive, especially when we had a baby and a toddler. But every time I have survived, somehow. There’s no impossible, it’s just in our heads. Everything is possible if you believe it, my kids have taught it for me. There are things I didn’t want to happen and wouldn’t want to go back but I’m happy that all the difficult things have happened because that’s how I have learned and grown. My girls have been the most amazing thing in my life because they are a reflection of me and I grow along with them. That’s the beauty of having kids.